Sep 28, 2009

God is Always Teaching Us A Lesson....We Just Have To Listen

As the days go by I feel like time keeps moving faster and faster. I have been doing non-stop school work for the past few weeks. It seems like there are not enough hours in the day to finish all that I need to do. I know that in May it will all be worth it but right now its KILLER. On top of school work my best friend since 1st grade is getting married this weekend. I am so excited for her and can't wait to be a part of this special time in her life. Once the wedding is over I am going to take a weekend to head back to Nashville to help my boss out. I am looking so forward to it because of so many reasons. I miss my boss, miss Nashville, can't wait to get my massage, see my TITANS, and most of all I need a weekend away. Thank goodness Fall Break is only a week away!!!

Not only has school been a lot to deal with but I let the Blake go. It was hard, sad, and not something I wanted to do.....something I HAD to do. There are so many wonderful things about Blake. Just like all of us there are also several bad things about Blake. The bad things eventually started to out weigh the good so I had to do what no one wants to do and decided to just be friends. I want so badly for the things that bring Blake down to change. However until people realize that God is the only way those things will change and the decisions they personally make begin to change ...things are never going to get any better. I will always be here for Blake if he ever needs me and I will continue to pray for him and the issues that he has told me about. I can only hope that ONE day things will be different for him. So eight months later here we are......

I started my hours at Brewer Porch today for my special education is wonderful. It breaks my heart but at the same time I know that those children are so special and God loves them so much. It is an absolute BLESSING to be able to work in an autistic classroom. I hope that one day I can make a difference in the life of a child with disabilities. Mrs. Farrish my teacher has such a big heart and wants so badly to help these children. It makes me wonder sometimes when I am watching them why should a child have to suffer with the disabilities they are born with? I still don't have those answers however, I do know that God has a plan and a purpose for each and every person. Even if those children teach me to become more humble then they have served an amazing purpose and that is not at all the only reason God created them. I just hope that I am a person who can touch their lives in some way while I am there doing my time just like I KNOW they will touch me!

Time for bed but I wanted to do a little catch up from the past few days. Oh yes ROLL TIDE

Sep 21, 2009

What If Love Was Enough

I will go ahead and start off with all the great things that have been going on in my life. This past weekend Amy, Jeanna, and I took Lou to Memphis for her Bachlorette Party! We went to Graceland and Beale was so much fun. Lindsey has been a huge fan of Elvis since we were little so her life has been made complete now that she has Matt and seen Graceland!


Alabama pulled out an amazing Victory against North Texas this weekend. Even though I was not there I made sure everyone in Memphis knew that I was supporting BAMA!! I screamed ROLL TIDE more in Memphis than I probably ever have in Tuscaloosa haha! I am looking forward to Arkansas this weekend. ROLL TIDE

I saw the love of my life Wesley Britt today .....AMAZING!

So now to the current moments in my life!

Today was HORRIBLE....and when I say HORRIBLE I mean it. First of all I just wanted to sleep in today considering my class was canceled and I was dead tired from Memphis. Well I guess 9:30am was a little bit of sleeping in but not what I was going for. Blake called and I could not go back to sleep...I was so mad but I moved on with life. Paige and I hung out ate City Cafe(where I saw Wesley Britt) and went shopping. I then had to go to work in the fun. Before arriving at work Blake called......this time since I was alert I remembered all the things that happened last week and I decided to address them. There was not enough time on my ride to work to even deal with it all so I called him back once everyone got settled.

The conversation went from bad to good to really really bad. All I have ever wanted is someone to treat me right, be honest, love me for me, and someone who actually cares about my feelings. I don't think that is too much to ask of anyone because they wont even have to ask it from will just be naturally there.

As I have said before Blake and I are nothing official but it is something more than a friendship. With that being said I veiw it as if something is going to happen in the future between us. I treat my life as if he were the only one in it(guy wise). I respect him and how he feels about cheaters considering everything he has been through. I never ever would want him to doubt how I feel for him or give him any doubt about my faithfulness to him. I also would hope that, that is how he handles himself when it comes to me. Even if we are not anything official I would hope that I would be important enough to him that if situations were to arise he would have me in the back of his mind.

More than all of that listed above honesty is HUGE with me. I don't want you lying to me. Lying also includes leaving out minor least in my opinion. If I am completely open and honest with you I expect the same. I want honesty in every area...from what happened last night, to your birthday, to friends, to EVERYTHING. I am an open book with you so have the same respect for me.

I have a HUGE heart and I can deal with a lot. I forgive and forget every single time I am hurt. I sometimes feel like I am the only one that cares in situations and that is not a fun feeling. Since I do have a big heart I a lot of times get trampled on.

With everything said tonight I feel as if my heart has been trampled on today. I respect honesty but it still hurts. Being honest does not change the action, it does not change the hurt, and it does not change the way I feel about a person even after the action has taken place. The last is the hardest to deal with. It hurts so bad to know someone you care about treats you wrong but yet you cant make the (care for them part) go away.

After a million tears shed this afternoon, I have made the decision that is best for me. I will be sad for a while but maybe things will be put into perspective. Sometimes all we need is to see that what we lose is the best thing that could have ever happened to us.

What if Love Was Enough?


Sep 13, 2009

High Hopes.....Big Dreams

This weekend was rather crazy. It started out Friday night I had my first wreck reversing out of the Sonic Drive-In...LOVELY. Saturday Amy and I went to tailgate with our Abs on the quad. It was a great day and not entirely to hot. BAMA WON!! ROLL TIDE ROLL


Saturday night was a BBQ for Lindsey and Matt in Carrollton.
Let's just say that was an adventure. Nothing like a bunch of good ole country people coming together to eat! I hit a rabbit on the way over....not surprised with the luck I have been having with my car.


Today Amy and I went to Birmingham to pick up stuff for Lou's Bachlorette Party that is coming up this weekend. We are going to Memphis to see Graceland! We are so excited about it. I have a very busy week ahead of me before I can enjoy the weekend though so I need to get focused!

I am very excited to see what this week holds. I am supposed to get to see Blake if all goes as planned. If not.....well then I will have some answers that I have been wanting and needing! Either way if he comes or not it will be a good thing! Getting to see Blake is about like seeing the Easter Bunny he comes around once a year. Haha well its really not THAT bad but pretty dang close. It has been a while since we have seen each other and its about to send me over the edge. In high school I was in what I called a long distance relationship....hahah 30 minutes is not a long distance relationship now that I look back on it. Let me first say Blake and I are in no relationship officially but......who knows what the future holds! With me being at Alabama and him being in Gadsden working it is really hard to see each other. IT IS NO FUN...I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL. Neither one of us can just pick up and drive almost 2 hours just for a quick hangout. However, through it all I feel like I know him better than I ever could if I was with him everyday. It for sure shows you how much you care about someone when you can't be with them everyday but still feel the same way!! I'm pretty CRAZY about him...I admit it! He stinkin works all the time and that is great...I'm glad someone is making some money in this world but he even has to work on almost all his off days. I can blame him for most of that because he will NEVER tell them NO. Well this week I am putting my foot down. He can take a day that he deserves off and come see me. I don't think that is to much to ask and if it is then we really do have a problem. We shall see...................


Literally I would like to see his face hahaha!

I planned my hair appointment this week also just in case Blake has to work and can't come. Going to see Christy at Salon 1201 is about the ONLY thing that will make me happy this week is Blake does not get to come! Nothing makes my day more than someone besides myself shampooing my hair. I must say if I could afford to hire Christy personally I would. I am getting excited thinking about it right now. YAY!

I have a little test tomorrow that I should probably be studying instead of blogging so I'm going to go now! Oh I can't wait to update later this week hopefully with GOOD news!!

Sep 9, 2009

I have had so much going on here seems like school work is killing me so far. This weekend was the season opener for Alabama Football. I had a great weekend with my daddy, brother, and little nephew. I also got to hang out with Abby and her family, Paige and Tyler, and many others that drifted by as we talked in the CNN Center. It was a wonderful weekend thanks to the TIDE bringing in that VICTORY!! I am still hoarse and struggling to get my voice back but that is what happens when you LOVE your team as much as I do.

Blake has been wonderful and I love it! Hopefully next week he will be here in Tuscaloosa to see me!!! Ahhhh I cant wait it has been way to long. Nothing like someone who can bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart!

Lindsey is almost married ...UNREAL. I cant wait to see her this weekend at the couples BBQ. I love my Bestie so much and I dont know what I would do without her.

On a more serious note....

Tonight I got to catch up with my friend Rob. It has been a long time since I have got to talk to him...but you know tonight was the night I needed to hear from him. Its amazing how timing makes everything right. Well Rob is an amazing Man of God. Everythime I talk to him I am blown away when I hang up. He is so obedient and God rewards him now but those treasures he is getting in Heaven are going to be AMAZING. I love hearing about how God speaks to him and what he does to obey him. So I talked to him about a current situation in my life and asked what he thought. The response was wonderful and he helped me see so many things. I am a person who loves to help others..sometimes to the point that it is not a good thing. I dated a guy for years that most of our relationship was due to the fact that I knew he needed me to get through some issues he was going through. I was fine with being there to help him however, if we get emotionally involved with every person we want to help whether it be friendship or relationship we are more than likely going to be hurt. That was defiantly the case in that relationship I got hurt and I swore I would never do it again.

Here I am today still with the same giving spirit except this time its different. Last time I did it because I knew it was a way of hanging on. This time I'm doing it with no ill intentions. This time is really to show the love of Christ and how he can take a hurt person and make them whole again. However, it has developed into this great relationship that I want to happen so badly but know that right now is not God's timing. So as I talked to Rob about everything and told him the background information he said you are defiantly in this guy's life for a reason. Just don't get overtaken with emotional involvement until you know God has said its time. I refer to my situation a lot like that of Hosea in the Bible. I have known from a young age that I would marry someone troubled. That is exciting to me because I love that God put that on my heart. I love that he KNOWS I am capable of being the woman who is strong enough in HIM to handle anything he sends my way.

I told Rob that I feel God is telling me to hang in there right now with someone who does not have a check mark by every single quality I want in someone just like he told Hosea to marry a prostitute. I know Hosea thought to himself God this must be a joke. Can you imagine God telling you that is what he wanted you to do? I can't. The battle I have been having within myself though is based around the verse that tells us to not associate with people who dont have a relationship with Christ. For us to plant the seed and move on ...thats a summary. I don't feel that is my calling in this situation. I KNOW that I am the only little piece of Jesus this person has seen in a long time. Who am I to say that because he has struggles I should leave him hanging....Im NOT. God does not leave me hanging in times of need so why would we as Christians leave someone else hanging that he has told us to help. I know that God is the only way a person can change.I also know the love a person can show someone can lead them to Jesus. Man that is powerful!

After a long long talk with Rob he said Lara Ellen you know what God has laid on your heart and no matter who gets it and who dosen't you have to obey HIM. He said the burden that you felt laid on you at 12 years old about being with troubled people was not by accident. He then prayed over me and that God continue to revel things to me and what I am to do. There is no feeling like a friend praying for you and believing with you that God is going to break some chains. Tonight when satan was trying to get me down and distract me from my mission God intervened with a little phone call from Rob. He used Rob to show me that in my own way I was obeying the Lord in what I am doing. Nothing like knowing that my Saviour has his hand on every single aspect of my life! Thank you Jesus for testing me and showing me that this is the JOB you want me doing. You knew tonight I needed the confirmation more than ever before and you sent it.