I will go ahead and start off with all the great things that have been going on in my life. This past weekend Amy, Jeanna, and I took Lou to Memphis for her Bachlorette Party! We went to Graceland and Beale St...it was so much fun. Lindsey has been a huge fan of Elvis since we were little so her life has been made complete now that she has Matt and seen Graceland!
Alabama pulled out an amazing Victory against North Texas this weekend. Even though I was not there I made sure everyone in Memphis knew that I was supporting BAMA!! I screamed ROLL TIDE more in Memphis than I probably ever have in Tuscaloosa haha! I am looking forward to Arkansas this weekend. ROLL TIDE
I saw the love of my life Wesley Britt today .....AMAZING!
So now to the current moments in my life!
Today was HORRIBLE....and when I say HORRIBLE I mean it. First of all I just wanted to sleep in today considering my class was canceled and I was dead tired from Memphis. Well I guess 9:30am was a little bit of sleeping in but not what I was going for. Blake called and I could not go back to sleep...I was so mad but I moved on with life. Paige and I hung out ate City Cafe(where I saw Wesley Britt) and went shopping. I then had to go to work in the rain....no fun. Before arriving at work Blake called......this time since I was alert I remembered all the things that happened last week and I decided to address them. There was not enough time on my ride to work to even deal with it all so I called him back once everyone got settled.
The conversation went from bad to good to really really bad. All I have ever wanted is someone to treat me right, be honest, love me for me, and someone who actually cares about my feelings. I don't think that is too much to ask of anyone because they wont even have to ask it from me...it will just be naturally there.
As I have said before Blake and I are nothing official but it is something more than a friendship. With that being said I veiw it as if something is going to happen in the future between us. I treat my life as if he were the only one in it(guy wise). I respect him and how he feels about cheaters considering everything he has been through. I never ever would want him to doubt how I feel for him or give him any doubt about my faithfulness to him. I also would hope that, that is how he handles himself when it comes to me. Even if we are not anything official I would hope that I would be important enough to him that if situations were to arise he would have me in the back of his mind.
More than all of that listed above honesty is HUGE with me. I don't want you lying to me. Lying also includes leaving out minor details...at least in my opinion. If I am completely open and honest with you I expect the same. I want honesty in every area...from what happened last night, to your birthday, to friends, to EVERYTHING. I am an open book with you so have the same respect for me.
I have a HUGE heart and I can deal with a lot. I forgive and forget every single time I am hurt. I sometimes feel like I am the only one that cares in situations and that is not a fun feeling. Since I do have a big heart I a lot of times get trampled on.
With everything said tonight I feel as if my heart has been trampled on today. I respect honesty but it still hurts. Being honest does not change the action, it does not change the hurt, and it does not change the way I feel about a person even after the action has taken place. The last is the hardest to deal with. It hurts so bad to know someone you care about treats you wrong but yet you cant make the (care for them part) go away.
After a million tears shed this afternoon, I have made the decision that is best for me. I will be sad for a while but maybe things will be put into perspective. Sometimes all we need is to see that what we lose is the best thing that could have ever happened to us.
What if Love Was Enough?